dreams i have yet to dream

Up until this past year, I have always had many plans, but few dreams. Now that I am married and my life is combined with another, I have fewer of my own plans, as some aspirations are no longer relevant nor realistic. As we are currently pursuing my husband’s education, I feel unable to pursue my own dreams – that is, if I had any. But perhaps South Florida, with its lack of seasons, causes me to lose perspective on seasons of life: It is good that I can pursue something I love at a later time, because I have yet to discover what it might be. It has been so fun to make plans with Noah and be part of his various school and job applications; I am amazed at the absence of stressful pressure that accompany making decisions on my own. For the first time, I don’t need to have a plan – I can “wait on the Lord” like I always wanted.

In the past few weeks, I have taken the time I did not know I needed to seek God and his dreams for his kingdom, and learn more about who I am and what gives me life. I have reached several conclusions I am trying to believe:

1. I can have seasonal dreams

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” → Who says I was created to do just one thing for the rest of my life? I cannot handle committing to a single life purpose or goal, but I can manage pursuing a dream for a temporary season.

2. I do not have to be original

My sister was the one who first reminded me that I do not have to do something new; that the world needs many people who do the same things, and it is still significant, still good, still worthy to be desired.

3. I do not have to be the best

It is difficult to not compare myself with others. If there are so many people who can do it better, why should I keep doing it worse? A friend recently reminded me that my passion does not have to have purpose, as the simple fact that I love it gives it purpose enough.

4. I need to know who I am 

Before I commit to a goal, I want to commit to an identity. Many people dabble in relationships, jobs, and experiences to figure out who they are, who they want to be, and what they want to spend their life doing, but I want to first know who I am as a daughter created and loved by God.

Only out of a place of freedom can I feel free to dream.

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